09-30-2015, 07:44 PM
Very interesting, I am excited to read more! One piece of advice though, you are using a lot of made up words in order to give the feeling of this truly being an alien species, but be careful, don't use too many, and don't introduce them all at once as they immediately become relevant. Also you seem to tell the story as if it is a script for a play, or narrative for DnD or something. But other than that it sounds very exciting and I can't wait to continue the adventures of the unzi' (which seem to resemble space hobbits).